Love Reconciled

Learning to Live Together -- In Love, Work and Play

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Healthy Relationships Forgive

Relationships can be hard.  Whether with family, friends, co-workers or relational.  However, let's talk about dating, engaged and married relationships, since that is the focus and core of what we do.

At least once a day or week your partner may get on or your nerves doing small things, or do something that may get under your skin.  That is okay, because let's be real, it will happen.  The key, when it does happen how do you respond?  But, let's go even deeper.  What if you found out your partner lied, cheated or did something totally against your moral code?  If or when that happens, you have to decide again how you will respond.

Forgiveness Brings Growth
It can be hard to forgive. When someone has hurt, offended, or did you wrong forgiving them is not a top priority. Especially when you know that you did nothing wrong. Forgive them? I don’t think so. But when you don’t forgive who does it really hurt? Unfortunately, unforgiveness usually brings more harm to the person that has been wronged. It can also affect the victim emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, too.  When unforgiveness is present, it is like a silent curse that hangs in the air.  It goes wherever you go and is a constant monkey on your back.

Making a decision to forgive someone is difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task, but it can be done. One way to completely free yourself of the shackles that have you bound in unforgiveness is to make the choice to forgive and wipe the slate clean.  It means making the decision to start over and reintroduce yourselves as strangers. You want to talk about something that is hard to do?  It is hard to forget an offense, hurt, or transgression. It is hard, but not impossible to forgive and forget. If you have been hurt and are finding it hard to move pass your unforgiveness, there are some steps you can take to get free.

Talk to Someone or the Person
When you have been done wrong instead of growing bitter and more angry, find a trusted and confidential friend or
family member to talk to. Get your feelings and emotions out in a safe and confidential environment. Better yet, talk to the person that hurt you.  Let them know what they did, why it hurt you and what they need to do in order to make the situation and you whole. 

Let me just say this, somethings you can forgive and forget, but the environment and person may not be healthy and safe.  If so, you may forgive, but for your own well-being may need to remove yourself from the situation, person and environment.  However, that is a different topic and article for another time and place.

Journal Your Feelings
Write down your feelings and thoughts.  Expressing your feelings on paper is like therapy.  Describe your pain, hurt and raw emotions. Cry if you have to.  Scream if you must and keep writing until you can move pass it.

Write a Letter
Write the person that have wronged you. Write with no expectations of getting an acknowledgement, response, or apology. Write the person to release the anger, bitterness and hurt. Let them know that you are aware of what they did.  Ask for a time to discuss, talk and work through what happened and how to resolve it.  If it can be resolved or not resolved, forgive them. Then move on with your life.  Either you will move on with or without them, but move on.

Pray for Yourself
Ask God to help you genuinely forgive the person that intentionally or unintentionially hurt you. Ask for peace, comfort and healing in your mind, body and spirit.  Ask and pray that you can move pass the offense.  Pray that when it comes up in your mind again, you can wipe the slate clean each time.  Pray to forgive.  Then keep it moving.

Pray for Them
It is hard to pray for someone when you feel like you dislike or even hate them. Part of the journey and process of forgiveness is releasing that person, and asking God to bless them in spite of who they are and what they did.  Also, pray that God shows them who they are, and for them to have the strength, power and desire to change.

To forgive and forget is empowering to the person that does it.  When you forgive and wipe the slate clean, you make the steps to become whole again. You are no longer a prisoner to someone else's faults and issues. To forgive and forget means you love yourself enough to move on and get your power back.

Love Reconciled is a YouTube Channel hosted by Char and Shar an interracial couple married over 27 years.  They share their journey of learning to live together in LOVE, WORK and PLAY.  They also share their debt free and minimalist lifestyle.  They share honest stories, testimonies and life experiences about the good, bad, victories and tribulations of their "happy imperfect" marriage throughout their journey.

I do...

We choose to forgive each and every day, because that is what we promised to do.

How Char & Shar Met
Our Second Date
Our Marriage Proposal
Other's Reaction to Proposal
How to Communicate


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