Char and I were excited about our new relationship, but it felt like a whirlwind and it was. We had been dating a week or so. Newly separated from his first wife, Char had moved back home after serving in the military at 21 years old. He had moved back into his childhood home and bedroom. Char needed to figure out his life, evaluate mistakes made and his next steps in life. Unbeknownst to him, in finding himself he found Jesus, a new job, friend at work and a new church in a short period of time. Shortly thereafter we saw each other for the very first time. It was five months later we officially met, got engaged and started dating.
Char and I had only been dating a week and our relationship was very fresh and new. I had met Char’s mom and brother and both seemed decent, nice and seemed to like me. Their main concern seemed to be how quick we met and got engaged. However, his dad was still a mystery. I didn't know anything about his dad except my husband assured me that he would love me, when he met me.
So, about two-weeks or so into our relationship I called Char's parents’ home. His father answered the phone. My happy and cheery-self said, "Hi, this is Shar, is Char home?" Char's father sounded grumpy and mumbled, "Char, it's one of your N-words!" My mouth dropped and I thought, "I know he didn't just say what I thought he said. No, he couldn't have just said that. I’m sure I didn’t hear correctly."
At this point I’m confused. I’m feeling like I might possibly have a case of PTSD. I’m absolutely shocked and just speechless. Then Char gets on the phone. He sounds chirpy, happy and excited to hear my voice. Char says, "Hey, how you doing?" I said, "Um, did your dad just say, Char, it's one of your N-words?" He said, "Oh, did you hear that?" I was pissed and in disbelief. I said, "I thought you said he would love me?" That is when I learned something about Char. What he wants to happen in his mind, his thinking is if he believes it enough, it is so. However, real life doesn't always work like that.
That phone call was the first time I spoken to Char's dad and I wanted it to be the last time. However, it happened again. The second time I heard his dad say that horrible word, was the day I vowed to never go back over to their home again. Char and I were out and about one day and Char wanted to drop by his parents’ home to pick up something. I stayed in the car. When Char was leaving the house heading back to the car, his dad yelled out the door for the whole neighborhood to hear, “If you want to be an N-word, then be an N-word. After that day, it would be almost a year into our marriage before I would speak or see Char's parents.
To make a long story longer. One day while I was reading my bible, God spoke to my spirit and told me to write Char's father and tell him who I am. I cried. I did not want to ever talk to that man again and I certainly did not want to write him a letter. It took a week, but I did it. I wanted to be obedient to God's voice and instruction. Within a week or two, Char's dad called our home asking for me. Char was shocked, because I didn't tell him about the letter I wrote and mailed, and his dad never called our home. I took the phone scared and a little confused. Char's dad immediately said, "He wanted to start over, because he wasn't the monster he appeared to be." He asked, "If his slate could be wiped clean, bygones be bygones and if we could start over?" That day I forgave him, but was cautious. We talked via phone often thereafter, but it took me about four months or so to go back to his parent's home, even though Char's dad asked me every week.
Miraculously our relationship was healed and turned around one-hundred percent. After everything I went through with Char’s dad, the last two years of his life he loved me unconditionally, like no other. He let everyone that would listen know how much he loved and adored me. Char's dad thereafter always called me sweetheart. Even though Char's family never hugged each other until I joined their family, his dad always hugged me almost breaking me in half. He would say, “I love you so much!”
The story of my father-in-law and my relationship is Love Reconciled in real action. The story of how we reconciled is an absolute miracle. If you are in an interracial, mixed-cultural, religious or just have relationship problems, do not be dismayed. Like my situation, a miracle can happen and turn your situation around, and the love that was non-existent can be reconciled and restored.
Question: Are you in a relationship that an in-law or outlaw doesn't like you, and how has it affected you and your relationship?
Love Reconciled is a YouTube Channel hosted by Char and Shar an interracial couple married over 27 years. They share their journey of learning to live together in LOVE, WORK and PLAY. They also share their debt free and minimalist lifestyle. They share honest stories, testimonies and life experiences about the good, bad, victories and tribulations of their "happy imperfect" marriage throughout their journey.
For more information regarding Love Reconciled, visit their WEBSITE: www.lovereconciled.com or via EMAIL: wespeak@lovereconciled.com
