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Love Reconciled

Learning to Live Together -- In Love, Work and Play

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My Father-in-Law "Hated" Me!

Char and I were excited about our new relationship, but it felt like a whirlwind and it was.  We had been dating a week or so.  Newly separated from his first wife, Char had moved back home after serving in the military at 21 years old.  He had moved back into his childhood home and bedroom.  Char needed to figure out his life, evaluate mistakes made and his next steps in life.  Unbeknownst to him, in finding himself he found Jesus, a new job, friend at work and a new church in a short period of time.   Shortly thereafter we saw each other for the very first time.  It was five months later we officially met, got engaged and started dating.  

Char and I had only been dating a week and our relationship was very fresh and new.  I had met Char’s mom and brother and both seemed decent, nice and seemed to like me.  Their main concern seemed to be how quick we met and got engaged.  However, his dad was still a mystery.  I didn't know anything about his dad except my husband assured me that he would love me, when he met me.  

So, about two-weeks or so into our relationship I called Char's parents’ home.  His father answered the phone.  My happy and cheery-self said, "Hi, this is Shar, is Char home?"  Char's father sounded grumpy and mumbled, "Char, it's one of your N-words!"  My mouth dropped and I thought, "I know he didn't just say what I thought he said.  No, he couldn't have just said that.  I’m sure I didn’t hear correctly."  

At this point I’m confused.  I’m feeling like I might possibly have a case of PTSD.  I’m absolutely shocked and just speechless.  Then Char gets on the phone.  He sounds chirpy, happy and excited to hear my voice.  Char says, "Hey, how you doing?"  I said, "Um, did your dad just say, Char, it's one of your N-words?"  He said, "Oh, did you hear that?"  I was pissed and in disbelief.  I said, "I thought you said he would love me?"  That is when I learned something about Char.  What he wants to happen in his mind, his thinking is if he believes it enough, it is so.  However, real life doesn't always work like that. 

That phone call was the first time I spoken to Char's dad and I wanted it to be the last time.  However, it happened again.  The second time I heard his dad say that horrible word, was the day I vowed to never go back over to their home again.  Char and I were out and about one day and Char wanted to drop by his parents’ home to pick up something.  I stayed in the car.  When Char was leaving the house heading back to the car, his dad yelled out the door for the whole neighborhood to hear, “If you want to be an N-word, then be an N-word.  After that day, it would be almost a year into our marriage before I would speak or see Char's parents.

To make a long story longer.  One day while I was reading my bible, God spoke to my spirit and told me to write Char's father and tell him who I am.  I cried.  I did not want to ever talk to that man again and I certainly did not want to write him a letter.  It took a week, but I did it.  I wanted to be obedient to God's voice and instruction.  Within a week or two, Char's dad called our home asking for me.  Char was shocked, because I didn't tell him about the letter I wrote and mailed, and his dad never called our home.  I took the phone scared and a little confused.  Char's dad immediately said, "He wanted to start over, because he wasn't the monster he appeared to be."  He asked, "If his slate could be wiped clean, bygones be bygones and if we could start over?"  That day I forgave him, but was cautious.  We talked via phone often thereafter, but it took me about four months or so to go back to his parent's home, even though Char's dad asked me every week.

Miraculously our relationship was healed and turned around one-hundred percent.  After everything I went through with Char’s dad, the last two years of his life he loved me unconditionally, like no other.  He let everyone that would listen know how much he loved and adored me.  Char's dad thereafter always called me sweetheart.   Even though Char's family never hugged each other until I joined their family, his dad always hugged me almost breaking me in half.  He would say, “I love you so much!”

The story of my father-in-law and my relationship is Love Reconciled in real action.  The story of how we reconciled is an absolute miracle.  If you are in an interracial, mixed-cultural, religious or just have relationship problems, do not be dismayed.  Like my situation, a miracle can happen and turn your situation around, and the love that was non-existent can be reconciled and restored.

Question:  Are you in a relationship that an in-law or outlaw doesn't like you, and how has it affected you and your relationship?  


Love Reconciled is a YouTube Channel hosted by Char and Shar an interracial couple married over 27 years.  They share their journey of learning to live together in LOVE, WORK and PLAY.  They also share their debt free and minimalist lifestyle.  They share honest stories, testimonies and life experiences about the good, bad, victories and tribulations of their "happy imperfect" marriage throughout their journey.

For more information regarding Love Reconciled, visit their WEBSITE:  www.lovereconciled.com or via EMAIL:  wespeak@lovereconciled.com

Relationships and Money Can Work

Money and relationships can be very complicated.  In a relationship, without proper communication the talk of money can cause problems. Each person in the relationship goes into it with different expectations, usually.  It is those differences that can cause challenges. It does not matter how old you are or how long you have been with your partner, it is important to talk, touch base, and continuously evaluate your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors regarding money.

One thing I have seen and learned in my years of living, if two people that live under one roof are walking in two different directions regarding money, there will be problems and possibly chaos. Unfortunately, chaos causes misunderstandings and many other unkind emotions.

You say, your spouse won't listen and doesn't want to talk about money. That is a very valid argument. My question to you would be:  a. when is the last time you tried talking about money, and b. how did you approach the subject?  Approaching the topic in a none threatening way to him or her is a start. You might just want to say, "Sweetheart, where do you want to be money-wise in five or ten years?" That question may allow you to have an open and honest conversation about money, and you never know where it will end.   

Below are a few tips to help you setup an opportunity to discuss money with your honey.    

  • Start living out the financial results you want to achieve in front of your partner. If you are still thinking, behaving, and spending the same, why should he or she change?
  • Start saving.  Whether your partner save money or not.  
  • Come up with a plan for retirement and present the plan to him or her. It starts a dialog.
  • Whatever your financial goals are, start living out the steps for yourself.  Watching you, your partner may follow.

Money and relationships can be difficult. However, like everything else in life, with a plan, time, and honest conversations, money and relationships can be a beautiful thing.

Question:  What is the biggest money or financial struggle you and your partner have had and how did you resolve it?


Love Reconciled is a YouTube Channel hosted by Char and Shar an interracial couple married over 27 years.  They share their journey of learning to live together in LOVE, WORK and PLAY.  They also share their debt free and minimalist lifestyle.  They share honest stories, testimonies and life experiences about the good, bad, victories and tribulations of their "happy imperfect" marriage throughout their journey.

For more information regarding Love Reconciled, visit their WEBSITE:  www.lovereconciled.com or via EMAIL:  wespeak@lovereconciled.com

Getting Pass Relationship Boredom!


 

Are you married or in a relationship and are bored? Do you admire other seemingly happy couples and wonder why your marriage seem to suck?

All relationships have seasons.
Relationships go through ups and downs and different seasons. Circumstance or a situation can dictate the season of the relationship. Throughout the relationship journey there will be many different feelings and emotions, both good and bad, to describe how you “temporarily” feel, but boredom doesn’t have to be one of them.

Plan not to be bored.
In order to not be bored in your relationship, make a promise and plan to intentionally do something to not be bored. In other words, have a strategic plan to keep the relationship fun, exciting and fresh. With that type of assignment, you will never have a lackluster relationship.

An important step before implementing the plan is identifying the root problem.  Talk with your partner to identify WHY you guys are bored. Be honest, straight-forward and without any bitterness or resentment.

Too much busyness and not enough togetherness can bring boredom. Also, lack of togetherness can make the relationship feel dead. No one gets married or in a relationship to feel bored and single. Finding enjoyment in simple things can work miracles in a relationship.

Play: Play cards, movies, concerts, board games, puzzles, tennis, basketball or videos together.  Laugh, smile, joke, sing and tickle each other.  Simple fun pleasures eliminate boredom.

Cook: Cooking together is fun and can be romantic.  Have fun talking, reminiscing, laughing and working together as a team while cooking.

Health: Start taking walks during the morning, evening or on weekends together.  Get to know your partner and who they are today. Chat. Find out who your partner is and get healthy together in the process.

Dream: Are you both headed in the same direction? Talk about your dreams and goals. Where is it that you want to go individually and as a couple? Write the vision down and talk about it together.  Talk about ways you can fulfill your dreams as a team.

Travel: Connect, get refreshed and rejuvenated by traveling together, not separately. Go somewhere different and fun. Talk about your life, goals, interest, and remind each other why you fell in love.  Travel together and discover a new place to strengthen your bond, intimacy and love.

Any long-term relationship can get a little stale. Now you have a strategy in place to get pass boredom in marriage, so get started doing it.

Question:  Do you feel that people shouldn't get bored in relationships, and do you believe boredom means the relationship is doomed?


Love Reconciled is a YouTube Channel hosted by Char and Shar an interracial couple married over 27 years.  They share their journey of learning to live together in LOVE, WORK and PLAY.  They also share their debt free and minimalist lifestyle.  They share honest stories, testimonies and life experiences about the good, bad, victories and tribulations of their "happy imperfect" marriage throughout their journey.

For more information regarding Love Reconciled, visit their WEBSITE:  www.lovereconciled.com or via EMAIL:  wespeak@lovereconciled.com

Opposites Attract and Then Attack

Relationships are wonderful amazing complex unions. While single, all you thought about was having a significant other, or wondered when you would get married. Then one day it happened. You found that special someone who was just perfect. You were compatible in every way. You loved everything about them and they could do nothing wrong. I mean, where were they all your life? They made you laugh, sing, even hum and the non-stop butterflies wouldn’t leave your stomach. Your conversations with friends and family include sentences like, “We have everything in common, we think so much alike and we are the perfect match made in heaven.” Then after the honeymoon phase, life and reality show up. Now your favorite sentence is “We love each other, but we sure are different.”

Night and Day
Every couple has a night-and-day thing going on. For example, when you dated it was cute that she took an hour to put on makeup, didn’t wear a watch, and was always at least 15 minutes late. You loved her free-spirit!  You felt he was so dedicated because he went to work an hour before his shift started to get settled in. He woke up at 4:00 a.m. with no agenda, just because “early birds get the worm.” Now, you just get on each other's last nerve.

Solution: Allow your partner to enjoy their early morning quiet-time. Just so they are in a different room or in another part of the house. If they enjoy subconsciously being late, set the clocks ahead a half-hour without their knowledge.  Additionally, take separate vehicles to events, and ask your partner to set out clothes the night before to speed up time.


Hot and Cold
Have you experienced the house temperature war? Either he is always hot or she is always cold, but they’re never on the same sheet of music. The only time there isn’t temperature tension in the house is in the Spring and Fall, when you can open the windows and let the fresh air in. He can’t take off enough clothes in the summer, and she can’t put on enough clothes because the AC makes her feel like she’s at the North Pole, unless she is going through menopause.  Now that is a different story to tell.

Solution: Have a room where the air vent is turned off or not completely open. Come to a compromise on what would be a tolerable temperature for each of you.  If possible, use ceiling fans and open windows when the temperature cools down. Finally, be sensitive to your partner’s feelings and body temperature. 

What you initially loved about your partner doesn’t have to become the enemy now. Yes, you are different, but that is okay. If one of you is organized, messy, focused, unfocused, fast, slow; a multi-tasker, or can only focus on one thing at a time – there is a solution.  Both of you sit down with paper and pen and write down what you don’t like about each other.  Focus on three dislikes and come up with three solutions for each. Implement and practice the solutions immediately to see how they work. If the agreed solutions do not work well, try another one. Bottom line: seek to understand each other, be open, honest, and continuously communicate every day.

Question:  What ways are you and your partner opposite and how have you resolved those differences?


Love Reconciled is a YouTube Channel hosted by Char and Shar an interracial couple married over 27 years.  They share their journey of learning to live together in LOVE, WORK and PLAY.  They also share their debt free and minimalist lifestyle.  They share honest stories, testimonies and life experiences about the good, bad, victories and tribulations of their "happy imperfect" marriage throughout their journey.

For more information regarding Love Reconciled, visit their WEBSITE:  www.lovereconciled.com or via EMAIL:  wespeak@lovereconciled.com

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